Ilse has turned into a female buddha, no probs on the job, studying chinese is going great, you name it. But then what is all this grouching inside?
I cannot pinpoint it (for lack of time, as one reason), but it makes me queesy (dunno the spelling on this one). I fail to be uplifted in spite of good things around.
So I need to set things straight here: whatever the hell is bugging me?
- my striving for perfection on the chinese exam (and the recent lack of study before that)
- my inability to write (time? excuses?)
- my fright that my best friend will eventually fail to find the time for Pukkelpop
- my hardly surmountable urge to be egocentric
- lack of response from people I have written to (the saddest message I know: 'you have no new messages')
- missed chances at the party friday: why did I not talk to more people? Why did I not say a single meaningful thing to Jorgen? Why did I not hug Mien? Why did I even fail to see beyond her numbness?
- noone will accompany me to Werchter. I will silently hate myself all day - although I will enjoy the music. I will dance furiously.
- my being a horribly restrictive and negative father and husband: I want to be screaming cheers and instead I'm constantly clipping wings.
- my natural assumption of traitery by mankind (As the innkeeper is, thus he knows his customers?)
- All the wrong people won the elections today (or in the case of Groen! : not enough).
Fortunately, writing this stuff down mostly works to get it all behind me, so I expect the sun to shine tomorrow.
Just to be on the safe side, I'll add a positive list, though:
- Prutske is the best. Period.
- The Stefaan-situation seems to slowly turn some way I can handle more easily.
- I've read a marvellous book, advised to me by two very dear people (Life of Pi, that is). Nice touch that I bought it in Prague, so it held memories still.
- Just one more evening of study (which should be a doddle) and then I'm off to that exam. In fact I'm nearly ready today.
- Ruben and Anne are still beautiful, smart and simply good kids: sometimes hard of hearing and a wee bit too endeavouring, but as I recall, those are good characteristics in the end (-;
- MSN saved the day again (thanks, Mien), as did some attention from Ilse (must have cost you huge olfactory suffering).
- The holidays are nearing: things will quiet down a bit when Ilse gets some less concrete workload and some of our hobbies require a bit less attention. Spain should be great as well!
- I expect to not be alone at Pukkelpop. I will dance furiously.
- Hey, I just wrote something, didn't I?
- Will write/talk to Alberto again. One of those people with whom my peculiarity paid off, I guess. Will get him to play again.
- Wednesday, I start poetry/writing games. I will invite everybody who can hold a pen. I have some crazy ideas. As most people I know are most comfortable writing Dutch, I assume this will be the language of choice, though.
- There will be a new massive bring-your-own BBQ this year. Likely date for now: saturday august 11th. Any votes against this date so far?
- I've got at least two more books up ahead (The Kite Runner & Silk - not sure about this last title in English, but it seems the obvious choice)
Guess what: I already feel a lot better.
Now for a night with a lot of rest, and per chance a bit of not resting.
Thanks and goodnight,
1ab.
