Today, I have even less want than usually to restrain my thoughts, so never mind the bollocks (pop-quiz: who was the producer behind the band with this line as half an album-title?).
I went through a bit of a rough time these last days. My honorable colleague Danny has passed 'The Dark Tower'-virus to me (will never work with Anderlecht though). This (well, my lack of good sense to stop reading somewhere before 2 at night) caused me to be meta-tired by friday, and as it works out, to be a terrible nag in the course of the week. This led to the inevitable: the love of my life verbally hit me in the head, and we spent an evening arguing about details instead of romancing or at least having a good time.
This is for all to know: Ilse was right, and I will definitely try top stop being a pain in the rectal area about, generally, everything. She is doing great and I will stop criticizing her every move - please give me chance number 1999.
I also duly apologize for not organising anything for her 30th birthday. I was an idiot to think that buying a Kenwood would clear that deal. Anyway, I will once again pickup the habit of writing her name in the sky or other somewhat deranged but pleasing surprises, as the web is my witness.
Mike called to... I don't know, really. I felt as if the pressure was already somewhat off already, so my feeble attempts at cheering him up hardly hit the spot (I thought I sounded like a wannabe sensei - and I shall tolerate no witty remarks about that). I would be so lonely out alone in Prague. I don't know if that's really his problem (besides being too intelligent to do things on auto-pilot, or to not ask questions) but when I hear or read him, the feeling that comes over me is an intense sadness. I just want to be cuddled. I just want to be cuddled. I wonder if it's projection on my part when I'm not sure if he's only interested to be cuddled by his personal Juliet, or whether he simply craves the physical hug.
Hope I'm not crossing a border by posting this - after all this is no longer just my diary-notes. Hate myself for talking about you (M&I) in third person as well.
I'm trying to teach my kids just a little bit of the power of positive thinking. This is somewhat hard for a man neighing towards emotions expressed in early Cure Songs, but fortunately, I am also quite good at exagerating and making a fool out of myself. This always gives me credit with my kids (wonder how true that will be when they're 14) or any kids their age, and once in a while even gets the message through.
It even works in other places: last year at Werchter, the weather basically sucked most of the time, but I insisted: "The sun is shining - it's all in the mind", and what do you know: if not the weather, then at least the moods managed to be sunnier.
Mentionning Werchter: how would things be with... Simon Tahamata? (If you are wondering what I'm talking about: you're normal).
I played some guitar, bought two cows and eight non-simultaneous motorcycles, failed to shoot a plastic rose fo my love, was kind to my kin (except for dragging them through the rain on positive thoughts), worried about RPM having a bad influence on my back, talked to a sexy redhead and her fifty-year-old man (still reminding me painfully about my late father: he's just the succesful version of him) about her new job and appartment, was sorry about not attending 0110 (though I did sponsor), forgot Lightning McQueen, was too tired to get aroused (do need to write a bit about that soon - may sort things out), had a wonderful laugh at a game supposed to arousing, told Ilse about The Perfect Game, could not find 'The Eraser', discussed people being sexy or not, tried hard not to criticize,...
What's yellow and you can stand on it? A chick.
I know it's sick. Couldn't help but laugh about it (Eddie Dean would appreciate it; Blain the Mono would not).
Oh yes: to save you the trouble, Mike:
Schizm Lyrics.
Gotta go study hanzi now!
If I knew I would die next year, would I change anything in my life (apart from preparations on saying farewell - see also tearjerking movie that Ilse put me through recently =) )? I might travel to China now instead of in two years. I really wonder if I could stop trying to please everybody and just enjoy the warmth of my vital others. Gosh, I'm in a strange mood. I feel very much like getting drunk. maybe I'm an alcoholic afterall.
Have you figured out what 0ab means by now? Like I said: it's all me!
Oh yeah: we are now skype-enabled. Should try that sometime soon.
Oh more yeah: I promise myself I will go and help Vanessa this week with her email-trouble, and I will go by Dani's place. If we get a planning up for october, I'll phone or mail Ward to get a 'date' with him. I'm sure this all will prevent the black Pete from putting me in his backpack.
Somebody get me a restraining order. Please, make some sense out of me.
Abonneren op:
Reacties posten (Atom)
1 opmerking:
Sensei 0ab (still pondering on that),
some random replies...
First of all, please don't feel intense sadness when we call - feeling intense is enough. You really cheered me up, you did hit the spot hard, you succeeded in making me think (erhm, on second erhm... thought : that doesn't mean anything for a thinker like me, does it) - let's say you succeeded in making me complain a bit less and I felt happy when we hung up. Hmm, not because of the hanging up of course, but because of us talking, because of me hearing you.
Dear friend, yesterday evening - after the verbal exchange of psycho, philo and cattle - I thought about putting a post on my blog dedicated to you. Until I realized that this might be a bit (probably the zero) too much. Guess what, I'll do it in disguise, I will write about people. Feel free to be the one who inspired me to write the post.
Secondly, don't be afraid about crossing borders - I've seen your passport and you're allowed. And yes, you can talk about people in third person, at least about that guy who is living in Prague. And who does indeed sometimes feel a bit lonely, but realizes quick enough that this is a negative formulation of a positive thing : I am surrounded by people I don't know yet.
Last but not least Nick, I felt proud when I read that you are passing the plus-message to your children. I guess that one of the main reasons for the fact that my children are still confined to the wide landscapes inside my brain is the fact that I still need to discover the true well of positivity. I am close though, I feel drips, and I know lots of people showing me the way. Believe me, Ilse and you are included. So is my Juliet - although I don't know whether she'll ever read this. But I guess she knows : I told you that her lust for life was the decisive turn-on...
Dear Nick, thanks for reappearing in my life. Can I have the next dance?
If you go help Wan Loashi, and this will sound strange, can you transmit my favourite three letters of the alphabet?
U, G and H.
Een reactie posten